Lots of sunshine, baseball, grilling, ice cream, fireworks and generally being outside so far this summer. Blogging this summer? Not so much (you may have noticed). When I look at the pictures above, I feel happy. What a full and blessed life.
But the day to day feels like something else. Always a strug of some kind. What are we doing for day care when the kids start back to school in a few weeks? What about this Thursday and Friday, when our summer babysitter needs the days off again? What did you spend at the store, because the DirecTV bill still hasn’t come out and we still need to sign Greta up for soccer and I still need to replace my cracked phone and grandpa’s birthday is next week. What are we making for dinner (that the kids will eat)? The state of the damp basement stresses me out. The news stresses me out. This president stresses me out. Our dingy living room rug stresses me out. Greta wants a bedroom makeover. She’s a tween now and doesn’t like all the baby pink. Her cheap Target bedspread doesn’t lay right. Our bath towels smell like chicken soup. Magnus needs a new bike that’s suitable for a 7-year-old. Our pitiful landscaping stresses me out. Paying for the kids’ college stresses me out. How do other people afford all the shit they do? When the skin under my eyes become so hollowed? I can barely see my younger self in the mirror. Do I look like a bitter dried apricot to my kids? To my husband? Why do I still get breakouts at 43? Why haven’t I pooped in four days? When did I become so constantly worried???
I checked a blog I love the other day, Cupcakes and Cashmere, and she had a post up about her new approach to her eyebrows. Are you fucking kidding me?? Yesterday she had a post up about her toddler going off to preschool and how she “got through it.” Yes, how DO you manage?? I can’t deal with these lifestyle blogs anymore.
The other day I was at Kroger after work and the checkout lady said, How was your day? I felt tired and annoyed that so much sugary stuff had made it to the conveyor belt. I said, Fine. She said, Long one, eh? Then she shared that this was her second job. She just came from her full-time job at an insurance company. So there you go. This poor lady was probably in her late 40s and working two jobs. As my mom says, There’s always someone who has it better, and someone who has it worse.
Both my kids are healthy and beautiful and smart and hilarious and just all-around awesome. So who cares if the house hasn’t been painted in at least 10 years?
I’m lucky that my mom is still around and willing to help. My sister is always willing to help. I don’t see my 8-year-old eyes anymore but I can still ride my bike like a kid. We are healthy. That’s the most important thing.
How do you stay grateful and mindful of your blessings when the day to day can seem so hard?